Locally, Funeral Directors are telling me that between a quarter and a third of all new funeral plans are for a direct cremation; the pandemic accelerated the change.
Whilst it can be a positive choice for some people, especially if they’ve moved away from family and friends, others can find it difficult to cope without a rite of passage. A service to mark and celebrate life will allow grieving to begin and people to move forward (not move on) in their lives. Funerals are more than just ‘closure’, they’re a shared process, a joining together of people whose lives were influenced one way or another by the deceased.
I get it that people don’t want to burden loved-ones with high funeral costs. However the emotional cost of not having an opportunity to have a ceremony showing gratitude and saying farewell can be enormous. I’ve been there – have a look at ‘Why I’m passionate about Celebrating Life after a Direct (unwitnessed) Cremation’ to read more background on why I’m writing this blog.
Not all companies that offer direct cremation are equal. Whilst local funeral directors provide a dignified courteous service and may provide you with the date and location of the cremation, most companies that only carry out direct cremations, do not. It can cause the living to feel regret and have difficulty coping with unresolved grief. If you’re contemplating a direct cremation please shop around and do your research; it will make all the difference.
With a direct cremation, think carefully about holding a unique and meaningful memorial service on the same day or that weekend. I’ve written about post direct cremation memorials in Ways of Saying Goodbye. It’s a chance to get creative; a favourite café, pub, wedding barn, beach, woodland glade, back garden or any location that has happy memories would be great. The choices are infinite and it doesn’t have to cost the earth.
You can also start a memory book, plant a tree or organise a fundraising walk, auction or physical challenge that becomes a lasting legacy to them. I’ll caution that as time is allowed to go by, it becomes more difficult to summon the energy and the will to organise a celebration of life or memorial service. The opportunity to show gratitude, to honour and remember them can be lost. I felt that I was in limbo until we were able to celebrate my mum, I hear regularly from funeral directors about ‘buyer regret’ and know people who wish they’d just...
Maybe you’re thinking, “Of course she’d say that, she just wants the work.” (Actually, you don’t need a celebrant, but I’m here if you need me!) I write from the heart. I never tire of saying this, “Every life deserves to be celebrated.”
